Kate's Hell Pizza Explained

Sep 7, '11

Anderson Cooper mocks Kate Gosselin


I love Anderson Cooper. Like not as much as Micheal K at D-Listed, and I’m not an Anderson-loonie or anything, but I’m getting there. The more this guy deigns to comment on pop culture, the more he endears himself to me. We last saw his adorably giddy laugh as he mocked Gerard Depardieu for peeing on the plane. (I’m sure Cooper has said plenty of other witty stuff in the interim, but it’s not like I watch CNN regularly. If it doesn’t reach the gossip bubble and isn’t big news, I usually don’t hear about it.) This time, he held it together as he lambasted Kate Gosselin for bogarting the pizza on a family road trip that was shown on the second to last episode of Kate Plus 8. In his aptly-named “ridiculist” segment, he laid out how obnoxious Kate was.

Now we heard about Kate’s freakout yesterday, but this is the first time I’m seeing the entire clip and Kate’s behavior is even worse than I thought. She demanded the last piece of pizza for her lover the bodyguard Steve, then she lambasted the nanny for letting one of the kids hand over the slice without wrapping it in foil first, calling it “disgusting,” since the kids have “dirty hands.” When the nanny Ashley tried to make it up to her by asking if she could make some mac and cheese for Steve, Kate shrilled “No, he doesn’t eat macaroni and cheese or salad! That’s my whole point!”

Cooper explained it well. “Yeah Ashley, stupid Ashley the babysitter, he doesn’t eat macaroni and cheese or salad, that’s the whole point. This is your job. Haven’t you learned anything about the kids’ mom’s bodyguard’s culinary piccadillos? What are you even getting paid for?”

Ashley yelled out the window of the RV “We will survive, pizza is not a freaking big deal. I am so sick of your dramatics.” Then Ashley quit and left. (It was unclear yesterday whether she had quit for good or just ditched the road trip, but she did quit.)

Coopers summary is so clever. I’m sure a team of people wrote it, but that doesn’t make it any less awesome. “It is a cautionary tale really, so many lessons for all of us to learn. Wash your hands, guard your food, and if you somehow, against all odds, find a woman who is willing to help you take eight kids on a cross country road trip, for goodness sakes let her divide the pizza any way she wants.”

Did TLC throw Kate Gosselin under the giant bus, as a few of you commented on yesterday’s story? Producers easily could have cut that segment, but they know good viral-worthy television when they see it. It’s more like Kate dug her own hole, and continues to scream and belittle everyone from it. They probably have way more stuff they haven’t shown where Kate acts like a witch and have been holding back until now so she will continue to do the show. It’s just sad that her kids are no longer going to have a camera crew to buffer them from their mom’s rages. I’m praying that there’s an even worse Kate meltdown in the final. Bitch should go out with a bang.

Here are some hot photos of Anderson Cooper, because we don’t need any more Kate Gosselin. Does this guy ever take a bad picture?