John Boehner gives his "I'm Batman" speech to relate each committee member's role to another famous group of superheroes.
WASHINGTON (CAP) (CNN) (P.E.T.E.R.) - Hello, this is Anderson Cooper for Anderson Cooper 360° on CNN. Following the (stupid) failure of the congressional "super committee" to forge a deficit reduction deal, congressional leaders say they're planning to reconvene the group under a different name, one that that "will engender less pressure on the members," said (exasperating) House Speaker John Boehner.
"I mean, that's a lot to live up to, super committee," said a meek Boehner. "It's like, look at me, I'm super, I have a cape and wear tight tights and a very revealing sort-of-a speedo, if you know what I mean. I'm invincible," now looking kinda proud. "It's a name that would indicate almost inevitable success, and if you know anything about Congress, you know that's not a message we republicans are comfortable with. The benefit of the Country may be doomed but, as you know, that doesn't matter much to us, our main purpose is to make Obama look so bad, he won't he reelected next year."
The House and Senate have convened a bipartisan panel, or so they say, to determine what to call the new committee. Several legislators turned down the opportunity to serve on the panel, citing it as a possible conflict with their "no new progress" pledge, obviously. But eventually a group of six senators and representatives agreed to sit down and discuss a new name for the committee, but requested total anonymity -- they don't want to get their backs stabbed by their peers.
"But we're not making any promises," said Sen. Saxby Chambliss of Georgia, who agreed to sit on the panel only if Congress would re-consider his proposal for an all-gay battalion in the armed forces. And the possibility to create their own design and color of their uniforms.
Other members of the committee include Rep. Kristi Noem (R-SD), Sen. Olympia Snowe (R-ME), Rep. Harry Waxman (D-CA), Rep. Marcia Fudge (D-OH), and Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), complained that the other members weren't paying any attention to Boehner's ideas and in fact hadn't even saved him a seat in the committee room.
"He should have thought of that before he dressed up as Little Orange Sambo that time," said Rep. Fudge, snapping her fingers in a "z" formation.
Several names for the committee have already been suggested, all of them "less demanding" than super committee, said Chambliss. These include:
- The Average Committee
- The Metza-metz Commitee
- The Trying Really Hard Committee
- The Don't Expect Miracles Committee
- The don't wait standing Committee
- The don't loose any sleep over it Committee
- The Stupor Committee
"Hey, how did that last one get in there?" asked Waxman, prompting Lieberman to whistle and look sheepishly at his fingernails.
Boehner said he had also recommended that they just refer to it as that committee, "like Marlo Thomas was That Girl, you know? Marlo Thomas ... she was pretty hot for a liberal. Especially in those short skirts. Mmmm ... Will you excuse me for five minutes?"
The panel is expected to meet for about six months - in a process that is expected to entail hours upon hours of debate, compromise and noogies - at which point it will present its recommendations to Congress, which will vote on the final name, and hopfully on the color of their capes and tights. Then deliberations will begin as to where the newly named committee will meet.
"Frankly, I don't care what we're called or where we meet, as long as we wear that gorgeous super-outfit and get a chance to tackle the tremendous financial challenges facing this country," said Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R-TX), a member of the failed super committee. "And as long as we don't raise any taxes or make any progress."
This episode of "Anderson" airs on Tuesday, November 29, 2011.
Anderson examines the new trend of parents gifting their children plastic surgery, and questions the message being sent about beauty. Anderson speaks with a 23-year-old who has already had a nose job, breast implants, and Botox, and still wants further procedures. She even texts her surgeon every day with requests to schedule an appointment -- because the surgeon is actually her father! We speak with her mother and surgeon father to find out if he will operate on her again. We also meet a mother on her fourth round of plastic surgery, and even though she encountered complications, it didn't stop her from giving her daughter breast implants for her high school graduation.
She's best known as the bubbly star of Bridesmaids, but Melissa McCarthy is revealing her hidden dark side to Anderson Cooper, and RadarOnline.com has a sneak peak of the upcoming episode.
"We actually have a picture of you from high school," Cooper teases McCarthy on Monday's episode of his talk show, as he revealed a snap-shot of her boasting a Kate Gosselin style asymmetrical hair cut.
"But pre, pre-Kate, pre-Kate. Oh, my God, that is terrible," Melissa laughed.
The Emmy Award winning Mike And Molly star explained how she turned from a clean-cut Catholic school girl to a dark-clothed wearing goth over the course of a summer to be voted 'Most Punk' by her fellow students.
"I played tennis, I was on student council, I was a cheerleader," McCarthy explained, then she underwent a dramatic transformation and came back a new person.
"I had blue black hair that I'd shave in patches, and wear turtle necks for pants," she said. "It kind of made them like harem pants. I would put my neck through the sleeves and then have safety pins and let it hang.
"My mom loved it and so did the nuns!" she laughed.
The funny girl from Plainfield, Illinois, attended the St. Francis Academy (now called Joliet Catholic Academy) in nearby Joliet, where she was a favorite among the teachers who remember her fondly.
"She was a late bloomer. She was an ordinary kid in high school but was always very funny and had a quick wit and a great sense of humor," explained the sister, who is now campus minister at the Catholic school," Sister Barbara Kwiatkowski, who was the Dean of Students at St. Francis Academy when Melissa was at the school told RadarOnline.com.
New York, NY (SmithtownRadio.com) – We all remember the story: Victoria Ruvolo was driving down Portion Road when a frozen turkey came flying through her windshield.
Ruvolo would go throw months of recovery and therapy only to ultimately forgive Ryan Cushing, the teen who throw the frozen bird through her window.
Ruvolo, out with a new book, sat down with Anderson Cooper in a show airing today. Suffolk County Police Department Detective Jim Brierton (aka my dad) was one of the first on the scene and was at the show, airing at 4pm on CW 11 (Channel 11).
Born in México, moved to Chicago in 1972, moved to San Francisco in 1986, moved to Honolulu in 1992 where I met my life partner, Alan, then we moved to New York in 1997 where we are currently living. We have three wonderful dogs: 2 males, Maka & Kai and one female, Meli.
The first installment of "The Gay Ghost Trilogy" is the story of Charles Lanier, a young gay guy who rents an apartment on Lake Shore Drive on the near north side of Chicago, and the unexpected adventures he encounters from the day he moves in. And that's only the beginning; follow up with "The Next Gay Ghost" and "The Two Gay Ghosts." Each story can be read independently from the other two installments. Or get all three books in one with "The Gay Ghost Trilogy."
"The Gay Ghost"
Paperback: $9.97 + shipping
"The Next Gay Ghost"
Paperback: $9.97 + shipping
"The Two Gay Ghosts"
Paperback: $9.97 + shipping
"The Gay Ghost Trilogy"
Paperback: $22.91 + shipping
And a One Act Play about a gay Garamatean and a gay Earthling:
Paperback: $10.70 + shipping
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