Getting Better Ratings

This amazing story was adapted, or as I'd like to say, "implemented" for this Anderson Cooper blog. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks to CAP News for providing the original idea.

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USA Today To Run Only Pictures Of Attractive People

ATLANTA, Ga. (CAP) - In a move that industry analysts say illustrates the challenges facing traditional media outlets, the Gannet company announced this week that it would run only photos of attractive people in its newspapers, including USA Today. CNN announced a similar trend, therefore they were going to fire Lou Dobbs as of today, replacing him with handsome Meteorologist Rob Marciano.

"Actually especially USA Today," noted chairman Craig A. Dubow. To what Jon Klein, president of CNN/U.S. confirmed "especially toad face Lou Dobbs."

"We asked ourselves: Is there ever a time that a story is better served by showing an ugly person?" said Klein. "And then we answered ourselves: No, there isn't."

Dubow noted several recent focus group studies from the Columbia School of Journalism that cited an audience preference for seeing attractive, well-groomed people in the publications that they read and in the TV news shows that they watched. If a less attractive illustration is necessary - say, for a story on obesity or electrolysis - they preferred a cartoon caricature to a real-life overweight or hairy person.

"This is good news for our editorial cartoonists, most of whom lost their jobs in the latest round of layoffs," said Dubow, noting that several of them have now been commissioned to draw fat and hairy people on a per diem basis.

The decision by Gannet and CNN is only the latest move on the part of media companies to tailor their products to modern audiences. Dow Jones, which publishes the Wall Street Journal and was recently acquired by media magnate Rupert Murdoch, turned heads when Murdoch announced all stories would be fewer than 300 words long and be "85 percent action verbs."

"People don't have time for a whole lot of nouns or, God forbid, conjunctive adverbs," said Murdoch, noting that the new WSJ will have stories "as fast-paced and action-packed as a Michael Bay movie." Michael Bay the American director and producer of films like Transformers, The Rock, Pearl Harbor and the upcoming Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. And next fall, WSJ will also introduce Wingo, Mr. Murdoch added.

Other recent moves by newspaper and TV news companies have included:

- "Choose your own ending" news stories (Knight Ridder);

- "Who's the Secret Source?" contest (Fox Network);

- "Plug Away!", a section of the top of the front page where advertisers can put whatever they want (Cox Newspapers);

- A woman in a bikini or a handsome guy in a speedo in every section, including Obituaries (Boston Herald). "Or an autographed picture of Anderson Cooper on the seldom used top, left hand corner of the television screen," added Joe Klein. "On every program," Mr. Klein continued, "especially during disaster news like earthquakes, tsunamis, etc. But we'll restrain ourselves from adding his picture during sport events. For that purpose we'll ask Suzanne Malveaux to pose in a bikini, particularly during the winter months."

Boston-based media critic David O'Kennedy lamented the fading away of the traditional newspaper and television news model - with their long stories on topics nobody was particularly interested in - but noted that newspapers and television must adapt to keep up with the Internet, which features naked pictures of Vanessa Hudgens and/or male porn star Dylan Steele.

"That's the challenge - finding the common ground between long and boring and naked guys and gals," said O'Kennedy.

In a related story, Community Newspaper Holdings has announced a new "Naked Vanessa Hudgens" section in everyone of its more than 290 daily and weekly newspapers. And Jon Klein mentioned his intention to ask Anderson Cooper to remove his shirt during some of his broadcasts, since Mr. Cooper has been noticeably working out those biceps it would be a good idea to use them for the purpose of getting better ratings.