Our Favorite Disfavored Brother

Playing Favorites
Family favoritism and personality development

by Vera Rabie, D.Psy.

Being Disfavored and Anderson Cooper
Was Anderson Cooper a Disfavored child?

Published on October 28, 2011 by Vera Rabie, D.Psy. in Playing Favorites

To respond to the query about Disfavored people, the first thing to note is this: in Favoritism Theory every person who is born into a family of more than one child is either Favored or Disfavored. This means at least half (or more) of the general population were Disfavored as children. The theoretical reasons behind this will be explained later, but in the meantime, take comfort in the fact that you are in good company.

The emotional impact of growing up in a Disfavored position should not be undermined, and here is an excellent example.

Perhaps you watched Anderson Cooper on his recent talk show as he interviewed Jeffrey Kluger, author of "The Sibling Effect". The audience was presented with a few key questions to help them judge whether they were Favored or Disfavored. Everyone was silent while the questions were asked, and Anderson kept his answers to himself, but you could see he looked thoughtful, perhaps even troubled. Suddenly he shook his head and stalled for a moment, baffled. "Wait a minute" he said, "I never realized it, but according to what you asked, I was the Disfavored one!" Then still taken aback but collecting himself, he added: "I'm sure glad my mother isn't in the audience today!" He did not go on to explain which questions had tipped him off.

Clearly this discovery was a shock that disturbed Anderson. It was obvious that he quickly needed to stop and absorb the information emotionally before he could clear his mind enough to go on with the show. Moreover, he immediately felt the shame and embarrassment of confronting his mother with this knowledge, a thought that added to his perplexity. You may be aware that Anderson's older brother had committed suicide during his early twenties, making the present moment in Anderson's life a highly emotional and provocative reckoning.

The proof of Favoritism Theory, as with any theory, is in the real-life examples. To understand Anderson, we have to retreat to the theoretical knowledge resulting from my observational studies and experience of 30 years. In my next installment I will offer some of the basic tenets of Favoritism Theory. Also, using the best of my knowledge of Anderson's history, even though it is admittedly limited, you will be introduced to a more formal analysis of Anderson Cooper's family's dynamics, as well as a treatment protocol for a family such as his.

[Picture from Peter's archives.]