Aquaman in Peril

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With&

Aquaman Ousted From Gay Justice League

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Yeah, he didn't see this coming.
Even with those ring things coming out of his eyes.

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CASPIAN SEA (CAP) (CNN) (P.E.T.E.R.) - Hello, this is Anderson Cooper reporting from the Caspian Sea... The Caspian Sea!? I thought we were going to Acapulco... I'll talk to you later, Charlie.

Hello, this is Anderson Cooper reporting from... the... Caspian sea... for Anderson Cooper 360º on CNN.

In the wake of recent public criticism over his powers and allegations of superhero inadequacy, Aquaman's membership in the Gay Justice League of America has been revoked. According to the GJLA press release, the move is effective pronto!

"Due to the lack of violent crime that actually takes place under the surface of the ocean, we felt it necessary at this time to release Aquaman of his duties," told me GJLA spokesgayman of the moment the Green Lantern after a press conference at the Gay Hall of Gay Justice.

"Besides, he was really weighing us down," added Green Lantern.

According to a CAP CNN P.E.T.E.R. News source inside the GJLA (Robin), bad feelings toward Aquaman had been building among the Supergayfriends for a number of years. However, things seemed to come to a head this past summer when a New York Post reporter spotted an apparently intoxicated Plastic Gay Man ranting loudly outside the (ahem) Eastern Bloc gay nightclub in Manhattan.

"What does he do? He doesn't do nothing!" slurred Plastic Gay Man to a crowd of stunned onlookers. "Then when we actually need him, it's the same old crap - he gets caught up in some big fishing net and has to use those rings coming out of his head to get his friend, the saw fish, to cut him loose.

"And then he's all, Oh, sorry, looks like I missed out on the action again, fellas," added Plastic Gay Man. "Oh yeah, well I got some action for you, right here!" Plastic Gay Man said rudely grabbing his crotch." The crowd applauded.

"Yeah, he's useless," agreed Captain Marvel. "I mean, we can really be kicking some bad bully's ass, and you've got fish-boy over there swimming around, hoping no one accidentally falls in the water - because God forbid he'd actually have to fight somebody."

In an exclusive interview with me, Aquaman was fairly candid about the layoff, ascribing it to corporate politics.

"You've got dozens and dozens of Supergayfriends patrolling the land and the sky, but for the 70% of the Earth's surface that's covered by water, there's only me," Aquaman told me. "Do you know how much pressure that is, gay man?"

"I don't discus my private life in public," I told him.

He winked at me and I pretended not to notice.

"You just wait till there's like, a really bad jelly fish thing, or some sort of mutant coral that wants to take over the world, good luck dealing with that without me!" said Aquaman. "I mean, who's going to come to the rescue, Gleek the gay monkey? I Doubt it.

"You know what?" Aquaman put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me away, "I'll see you all at Eastern Bloc."