Mexicans Are Not The Only Aliens - 2

...The Plot Tickens!
(As a bowl of pea soup left out of the refrigerator for three days...)



Dick Cheney Warns Of Alien Attack Under Obama

WASHINGTON (CAP) - Former Vice President Dick Cheney continues to try to put unrational fear into the hearts of Americans as he now says that there's a "high probability" the United States will come under alien attack during President Obama's tenure. He said the aliens would have weapons of mass destruction, "the likes of which we have never seen."

"Hundreds of thousands of people, perhaps millions of bajillions of people would have their brains eaten in such an attack," Cheney warned yesterday. "President Obama's lack of experience with alien attacks makes the U.S. particularly vulnerable in this case."

Cheney said he missed his role defending former President Bush from aliens and hoped that the supply of tinfoil hats he made for the ex-commander in chief would be enough to keep him safe during his post-White House days in the UFO heartland of Texas. Cheney also claimed to have bagged a couple of aliens himself during the past eight years, including one that he said had taken the shape of his friend Harry Whittington.

"I'm not so sure how well he really protected President Bush," said CNN silver fox Anderson Cooper. "I think if you look at some of the decisions Bush made during his two terms, you could easily argue his brains were eaten a long time ago."

Cheney is not alone in his disputation on alien activity. Word from the White House is that former Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich has been lobbying the Obama administration to be appointed as advisor of alien affairs, with little success. So far, neither President Obama nor his administration are commenting.

"Listen, we have, an economy that is essentially in the toilet, as it were," Obama told reporters when asked about Cheney's comments. "And not one of those economical, gallon-flush, low-flow toilets, either. We're talking, urinal trough at a ballpark toilet that, uhh, hasn't been cleaned all season or, uhh, had its urinal cake replaced in months.

"You know the toilets I'm talking about," Obama added.

Concerns over an alien attack have reached into Congress as well, where Senate Republicans debating Obama's economic stimulus package are fighting for inclusion of $2.3 billion earmarked for the manufacture of a death ray. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) said the anti-alien measure would create up to 10,000 jobs while at the same time save millions of lives.

"See, what they don't tell you is that the Democrats are okay with the aliens coming down and eating the brains of the unemployed blue-collar worker," McConnell ranted on the floor of the Senate. "Because by law, a person with no brains cannot be considered as actively seeking employment and therefore cannot be considered as part of the unemployed workforce, thereby lowering the unemployment rate.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the Senate, that is voodoo economics at its finest," McConnell added.

While Senate Democrats and the White House are not commenting directly on Dick Cheney's comments, CNN's clean cut, pretty anchor Anderson Cooper said what most are likely thinking by suggesting that perhaps its time for Cheney to leave the country.

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Wolf Blizer and Anderson Cooper wearing tinfoil protection hats provided by former VP, Cheney.

But CAP News has learned, through devious contacts, that these hats are defective, they are rejects from the original prototypes and therefore could malfunction at any time -- especially when an alien's mouth, or tentacle, or whatever is near, hungry and ready for his/her/its next meal.

We warned CNN producer Charlie Moore about the hazard and lack of protection about the hats, at which he just shrugged his shoulders and said, "We were ready for new blood, anyway." At this point he spotted Univision's own silver fox, Jorge Ramos, and ran to catch up with him; he pulled away Jorge's own tinfoil hat, put his arm around his shoulders and both disappeared into the crowd.

Roll in the final credits!

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In the spirit of fairness, although who cares about that, we (I) must announce that the information on this CAP News report was modified (slightly) to accommodate the CNN crew. Especially the last part, the photos and text above here, between the two blue lines. That information is all pure, undiluted, 100% pure deceptiveness provided, free of charge, by yours truly. In my defense I must tell you that Cheney visited me this morning and gave me on those stylish tinfoil hats and assured me that this was not one of the defective ones. Besides my hat as a fabulous Ostrich pink feather on it. And I am wearing it right now!