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US, Canada Agree To Swap Texas, Quebec

OTTAWA, Ont. (CAP) (CNN) (P.E.T.E.R.)- Hello, this is Anderson cooper reporting for Anderson Cooper 360 from Ottawa, Canada. Oh boy, it is cold up here! Brrr! It's a good thing I brought the pretty and warm globes Ben gave me for Christmas... Ahem. On to the news, officials from the United States and Canada gathered today in Canada's capital city to sign an historic agreement whereby the countries agree to exchange the province of Quebec for the state of Texas. Finally, we'll get rid of that pest... Did I say that? No, I didn't, and if they say I did I will deny it solidly. So there.

Where was I? Oh, yes. I interviewed the US Ambassador to Canada David Jacobson and he told me that, and I quote, "It's basically an Even-Steven swap," his words, not mine. "Texas already seceded from the US once, back in the 1800's," he continued, "and they've been talking about doing it again for a while. Likewise, Quebecors have been clamoring for a break from Canada for years."

An even swap...? I don't think so, we win French class, they get... what? cattle? The Bushes? Good Riddance I say. No I didn't. Anyway, Mr. Jacobson added, "For both governments, this was an easy play. Our feeling is, if you don't like being part of this country, maybe you'll like being part of theirs better, and vice versa."

The move is expected to be a boon for the trucking industry, whose vehicles begin rolling almost immediately to start swapping the two locations piece by piece. So, if you own a truck, better get going to the Northern border of Texas and get in line to start loading a few cows at the time. Officials said that while some things may break or be lost in transit, they expect both Texas and Quebec to be delivered mostly intact.

"The people of Canada could not be more happy," said Canada's Ambassador to the US, Michael Wilson. "Quebec's been weighing us down for quite a while, so this is great news. We almost blew it - we had asked the US to throw in Rhode Island as well - but as soon as they balked at that proposition, we took it off the table, and the deal was done." I told Monsieur Wilson that they may have fared better had they asked for Wyoming, and take the Cheneys with it. He made a "Ha!" sound and moved on.

Residents of Canada will now have an in-country vacation destination with warm temperatures year-round, a first in Canadian history, along with all the steaks they can eat. Likewise, US citizens pick up miles and miles of new ski slopes at countless winter resort destinations, and a place to finally put to good use the French they learned in junior high school. Mais Oui mes amis.

"The best part of the whole deal is that no one from Texas will ever be eligible to run for president again, since they'll all be Canadian citizens," said Sen. Jeff Merkeley (D-OR), who was eavesdropping from a few feet away, just off view from the camera. "God only knows if the Bush family had any more potential candidates hiding around down there," the camera paned on him, "but now it doesn't matter - we've shipped them all off to Canada!"

For now, the US will retain the rights to the oil refineries located along the coast of Texas, as well as the occasional hurricane that comes ashore. However, that could change when the deal is renegotiated in three years. We may give them Wyoming in exchange for the oil refineries; fat chance but we'll have to try.