What Makes A Man A Man

The Sidelines > Opinions

Many things compose manliness
By Sam Ashby

Published: Sunday, October 4, 2009
Updated: Sunday, October 4, 2009

Any of my friends know that from just looking at me, I don’t lift many weights, and I don’t obsess over my body. I do run and swim because I enjoy the alone time and just being able to move around.

On a recent trip to Books A Million, I couldn’t help but notice the large number of magazines dedicated to men’s health.

Yes, I do believe it is something that warrants attention. All men should be concerned about their health and lifestyle. But are covers with half-naked women in bikinis really necessary? I’m all for women in bikinis, but it really doesn’t do us men a lot of justice when some women think we’re either immature or not worth the time.

Growing up, my father taught me that women weren’t trophies. I was raised to believe that men shouldn’t brag about their sexual experiences with women, because a woman shouldn’t be used to enhance a male’s standing among other men.

Unfortunately, this seems to be something that a lot of men still take the pleasure in discussing and almost boasting about.

Every male growing up has a somewhat different definition of what a “real man” is. Women are the same way. However, it seems that many disagree on what that definition is.

This is something I have given a lot of though to for several reasons. One of my friends back home is one of those guys that believes if you lift weights, build muscle, brag about sexual experiences with multiple women, etc., that makes you “more” of a “man” than a male who may not engage in those types of activities.

I beg to differ. This is an image that many young people seem to have in their mind of what a “real” man is.

One of my personal heroes is Anderson Cooper, the CNN journalist. There has, of course, been speculation over the years that he is gay.

On any given video of him on YouTube, there are always a few comments regarding the matter –as if he were, they would have to stop watching him because he isn’t a “real” man.

But what if he is gay? Does that make him “less” of a man? Of course it doesn’t.


It’s the same as any other quality that is usually thought to make a male less manly than others.

It isn’t what you like, how you dress, and what your interests are that defines a man but rather how a male goes about treating any other human being, especially women.

It’s really that simple. Our culture also seems to have this idea that if you’re a “nice guy” that implies you are either weak or punish.

My entire life I’ve tried not to be as manly as possible, but rather as real as possible. I’m not concerned about image. Many males today are afraid that they will project an image that isn’t manly enough. So what?

Tupac took ballet and was a cast member for a production of “The Nutcracker.” My point is, you don’t have to partake in testosterone driven activities to be “manly.”

You can cook, sew, play tea party with your daughter, help your wife and still be a man. That’s what a real man should be.

A real man is someone who is there for his family, who puts those he loves first in order to support them.




Lifting weights, drinking beer, and watching football: these things alone don’t make the man.

It’s how you treat those who are close to you and mean a lot to you that really define what being a man is all about.


Sam Ashby is a freshman journalism major.

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All pictures by Peter.