Booorriinnng

TV’s drama doldrums
Coverage yields yawns

By Jessica Heslam
Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Even all of the cable networks’ bells and whistles — the showy graphics, larger-than-life computer visuals and breathless projections — couldn’t turn Super Snooze-fest into must-see TV.

As an endless parade of pundits spun their Super Tuesday primary predictions amid a dizzying display of flashy visuals, I couldn’t help but wonder what the “Real Housewives of Orange County” were up to on the Bravo network.

CNN really tried, trotting out house bigwigs Wolf Blitzer, Anderson Cooper, John King and Erin Burnett at its sleek election headquarters, with a mammoth Super Tuesday scoreboard. Anderson refereed the political pundits as King manned his trusty touch-screen “magic wall.” The cable channel also unveiled its “virtual convention floor” — which had a video-game feel.

MSNBC’s exhausting night of wall-to-wall coverage began at 6 p.m. yesterday, with Rachel Maddow and the Rev. Al Sharpton among its hosts. At one point, bomb-throwing far-left filmmaker Michael Moore weighed in on the GOP presidential race.

“Breaking news” included Fox apologizing for an update on the uneventful Virginia race, and a breathless announcement that polls had closed in Ohio.

Ho-hum.

Viewers can thank Sarah Palin for one of CNN’s livelier moments. A correspondent thanked her “profusely” for stopping at an Alaska poll. “You are a lucky dude that I did,” Palin said.

All three cable networks broke in to showcase Newt Gingrich, at the back of the pack, blathering on for nearly a half hour after winning his home state of Georgia, with two promises he’ll be hard-pressed to deliver — more primary wins and $2.50-a-gallon gas.

Yawn.

The cable networks also cut in when Rick Santorum addressed the crowd in Ohio — winning points with the anchors as he walked his 93-year-old mother off the stage. Romney, who got live cable coverage when he thanked supporters in the Hub, should think about letting Ann do the rest of his campaigning for him. Definitely his better half. The camera loves that woman, and she knows how to work a crowd.

The most pivotal of the 10 primaries and caucuses was the Ohio race — and it kept the networks guessing. As anchors and commentators anxiously awaited the state’s results, CNN’s Dana Bash was in a key Ohio county, explaining to viewers how 25 trucks filled with ballots planned to pull up at any moment.

“We’re probably going to hear the beep of the trucks pretty soon,” Bash said.

Can’t wait.