Santorum Big Gay Award Winner
SAN FRANCISCO (CAP) (CNN) (P.E.T.E.R.) - Hello this is Anderson Cooper reporting for Anderson Cooper 360° on CNN. Nationally know gay lifestyle magazine StudBunnies has awarded its highest honor - Pretty Boy Of The Year - to an unlikely person: Republican party presidential cutie candidate Rick Santorum.
At a press conference held at the StudBunnies Ranch just outside of San Francisco, magazine co-founders Mo Lawrence and Lance Delgado explained their controversial but unmistakable choice.
"When we first set out to do Pretty Boy Of The Year, we intentionally made it apolitical," said Lawrence. "It's all about a matter of size, I'm sure you know what I mean, Anderson."
"But we also take into consideration the beefcake, baby," Delgado assured me.
"Think Miss America without the talent, tits or tiaras," chimed in Lawrence. "Personally I loath everything the man stands for."
"Oh yeah, he's a huge asshole," said Delgado. "That said, he is also a huge pretty boy. I used to tune into C-SPAN just to watch his ass walk across the chamber floor. And, I'm sure you've noticed, Anderson, he really loves to flaunt it."
"Can you imagine that in chaps?" He sighed. "Plus he’s got that yummy last name."
"I think yummy might be pushing it, but it was a factor," Lawrence added.
Santorum will remain Pretty Boy Of The Year throughout the end of next January, which coincides only coincidentally with what the former senator hopes is his inauguration to the presidency. With the momentum gained by his three-state sweep yesterday and the award announcement, Santorum hopes both will help him pirouette all the way to the White House.
"I feel honored to finally be recognized by the gay community for what I bring to the table," said Santorum after his victory speech in St. Charles, MO. "Because let's face it, me in a tight pair of jeans beats Romney's saggy ass any day of the week.
"With that said, I still don't subscribe to their man-on-dog ways," Santorum added.
"In addition to national bragging rights," Delgado added. "Santorum will also receive a year's subscription to StudBunnies and a statuette that we can't show to your audience, Anderson. The statuette is scheduled to be presented to Santorum at an awards dinner to be held at the StudBunnies Ranch this Sunday. You are invited to attend too, maybe you'd like an exclusive to the event, I am sure your viewers would like to hear Santorum's acceptance speech."
"When asked to comment about the Pretty Boy award," Lawrence said, "Romney was incredulous. 'You mean I lost that, too?' he lamented. 'Man, this just isn't my week.' "
I accepted their offer to report the event exclusively for CAP/CNN/P.E.T.E.R. You'll be hearing about it as soon as it happens.
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