Anderson Goes South

A change of plans

Anderson Cooper arrived this morning to the offices at CBS. It was barely 8:15 a.m. and his boss, Don Hewitt, according to our sources who preferred to remain anonymous lest they get pink slipped, told us that he wasn’t very happy with Anderson who was supposed to have arrived a day earlier with a segment on “Unemployment in South Africa” for that Sunday’s segment of “60 Minutes.” As it turned out they had to replace his segment with and old “Why Canaries Sing” by Katie Couric, but Mr. Hewitt was not singing a happy tune at all.

Anderson immediately pulled out his report: a 4 page manuscript with two photographs, and showed it to Mr. Hewitt. According to our two anonymous sources, Pelley and Sthal, Mr. Hewitt snatched the papers from Anderson’s hand and, silently but visibly upset, turned around and slammed the door to his office. Likewise, Anderson, silently walked into his office and started to unpack. The tension was so thick, you could not have cut it with a knife — you would have needed an buzz saw to do it.

Anderson left the door to his office open and some of the employes saw him unpacking his scuba diving gear, two colorful bathing suits, goggles, towels still dripping with sand, sun glasses, a book, suntan lotion... Everyone looked at each other in amazement. It was at that moment they heard a loud scream coming from Mr. Hewitt’s room. Several coworkers ran to see what was happening. They opened his office door and saw Mr. Hewitt, head down into his crossed arms laying on his desk — obviously crying.

“Bring me the head of Anderson Cooper... on a silver platter!” he screamed. Anderson walked in, eyes looking at the floor.

"What is this?!” Mr. Hewitt threw the four pages at him. “You didn’t go to South Africa did you?” Anderson kept tracing a small circle on the carpet with his right foot.

“6.7 unemployment in Cape Town? 7.9 in Pretoria? What year were you in South Africa? Five years ago? South Africa’s unemployment rates are in the two digit figures. These numbers look more like the figures from Rio De Janeiro...”

“São Paulo and Bahia” Anderson murmured.

“WHAT??!!”

Red because of Brazil or red of embarrassment...?


Somewhere on a mountain near Bahia.


Rio De Janeiro

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Of course the story above has absolutely nothing to do with reality. The idle imagination of yours truly is the only true in this account. Due to the lack of news from our Silver Fox, I had to tell you something, even if it wasn't true. I hope you enjoyed it.