Ron Howard To Add More Gay Jokes To Film
HOLLYWOOD (CAP) (CNN) (P.E.T.E.R.) - Hello, this is Anderson Cooper reporting for Anderson Cooper 360 in CNN. Remember a couple of weeks ago I reflected with Ellen Degeners about what I deemed an inappropriate gay joke in the trailer for the movie "The Dilemma"? Well, it just made things worst; now the director, Ron Howard is threatening to include more gay jokes throughout the movie, along with some some quips about spics, Jews and wiggers "just to even things out." He told me.
"Listen, the amount of money a studio spends on publicity for a movie pales in comparison to what we're getting for nothing thanks to [the gay rights group] GLAAD, and you, Mr. Cooper," Howard told me. "We owe you and your companion Benjamin two free tickets to see the movie any day you want. If this one line gets us this much publicity, imagine how much we'll get if Vince Vaughn just spends the entire film rattling off gay jokes. We suppose you'll complain about it again thus helping us sell more tickets, eh?
"Plus now that everyone knows the whole electric cars are gay line, we gotta add something else or people'll be disappointed," Howard added. "And disappointed people means a disappointed Ron Howard. Well, Ron Howard's wallet, anyway." He admitted.
To make his gay slur dream a reality, the 56-year-old filmmaker has brought in vulgar humor heavyweight Andrew Dice Clay to help spruce up the script. Out of the national spotlight since being unceremoniously dumped by Donald Trump on Celebrity Apprentice 2 in early 2009, Clay says he's looking forward to the challenge of insulting a whole new group of people -- any group of people.
"As you know, I'm usually putting the smackdown on the broads, so it'll be nice to expand my repertoire and introduce a whole new audience of gay bashers to my humor," Clay said. "Check this one out. Rock-a-bye twink, you get the top. When the bough breaks, the rockin' don't stop! Oh!"
As a director, Howard is no stranger to controversy, having tackled such taboo subjects as old people getting jiggy (Cocoon, 1985), using a morgue as a brothel (Night Shift, 1982), and casting Mel Gibson (Ransom, 1996). He credited his ten years as Richie Cunningham on Happy Days with giving him the courage to take such chances.
"Honestly, I lost count how many times I defied my parents' wishes on that show," Howard told me. "Must have been four or five times, at least.
"Little known fact that when my older brother Chuck just disappeared from the show after the first season, it was because I offed him in a fit of jealous rage and buried his body in the back yard," Howard added. "Even though that whole scenario ended up on the cutting room floor, it shaped my character for the rest of the series."
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Upon hearing of Howard's efforts to beef up the movie with even more homosexual humor rather than remove the two seconds of dialogue they found offensive in the entire 90-minute script, at least half a dozen members of GLAAD were reportedly hospitalized with heart palpitations. They were feeling much better after learning the movie would make fun of other minorities as well. I grabbed my BlackBerry and cried for about ten minutes on Ellen's ear. She understood what I was going to.
"Score one for the gays!" said GLAAD President Jarrett Barrios. "We may not be able to get married in 44 states, but at least we were able to make a fuss about this movie. Between this and our whining about Jersey Shore, I think people really get where we're coming from. More gay rights is just a matter of time now."
Meanwhile, an alliance of hybrid car manufacturers has filed a lawsuit against Howard and Universal Pictures, alleging that the offensive line in the movie trailer has led to random acts of vandalism against electric cars by owners of gasoline-powered automobiles who feel threatened by the hybrid vehicles' mere existence. A court date is pending.
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