The Boys Of CNN

CNN vs. Fox - Battle of the Bods

Phil Bronstein
Monday, February 1, 2010

CNN is proudly pumping its impressive flypaper coverage of the Haitian nightmare, and with good reason. The channel has barely made space in its unsparing eye on the disaster for other big news of the day: the president desperately seeking a life raft and the orgasmically debuted but unfortunately named iPad.

But even in the wash of heroic journalism, there's a cultural undercurrent that has more to do with big guns than tiny orphans.

I'm hardly the first person to comment on male CNN anchors on the ground in Haiti wearing tight black or charcoal-gray muscle t-shirts that show off barbell-honed physiques. Reporter Jason Carroll looked like an ad for BALCO. The cable station is selling something more here than just news with that odd choice of uniform. Even in the melodrama of Dr. Sanjay Gupta's Hippocratic dilemma - operate or orate - and Anderson Cooper's sizzling save of an injured boy, an unblinking entertainment undercurrent will not be denied.

CNN is in a cutthroat ratings war with Fox News, and each side has chosen its weapon: flesh. Fox, already with a well-established audience lead over its rivals, long ago decided its best assets in the ground war were highly attractive women on the air. There is a world of blogs and stories on the Web that tells the tale: "More Fox News Babes," "Girls of Fox News - They Bring You the News, We Bring You their Views," "Fox News Ratings Are Rising And So Are Its Anchors' Skirts," and "The 11 Hottest Fox News Reporters." That last list includes our own former San Francisco first lady, Kimberly Guilfoyle.

In an interesting stroke of competitive programming, CNN has clearly chosen hunky guys in stretch clothes as the counter-foyle. The station has refused comment on the fashion issue, but I've reported from hot countries in turmoil, and painted-on clothing just isn't the first thing you reach for. Loose equals comfortable. Snug is sticky. They finally let poor Dr. Gupta, who didn't look all that comfortable posing for CNN's video Port-au-Prince Playgirl calendar, change into an operating gown and even a breezy blue luau shirt.

So it's the boys of CNN vs. Fox's foxes. Certainly Bill O'Reilly's mug isn't what peddles his show, and even though they got rid of the wispy Alan Combes, Sean Hannity looks like a pinched version of Jay Leno.

And it's not that CNN doesn't have its share of beautiful women, just none that also appear on the Web posing provocatively in a shocking red bikini, like Fox's Courtney Friel.

Fox is still leading by a furlong. Two weeks ago, its news was the highest rated cable network show, period. That included news, reality (which ironically is different than news), sports, entertainment. Everything. In other words, as Sarah Palin might say, the dudes are not yet being out-eyeballed by the babes, including Sarah Palin.

Until now, MSNBC is mainly just a sideshow in the beauty pageant; Rachel Maddow is beloved in the Bay Area, but not in the kewpie doll sense.

In the main event, if CNN wants to catch up to Fox, Anderson and the boys had better strip to tank-tops and shorts in a hurry. Just, please, please don't let Wolf Blitzer into a Speedo.

Phil Bronstein's column appears on Mondays. E-mail him at pbronstein@sfchronicle.com, and read his blog at sfgate.com./blogs/bronstein. Phil Bronstein's column appears on Mondays. E-mail him at pbronstein@sfchronicle.com, and read his blog at sfgate.com./blogs/bronstein.

This article appeared on page A - 8 of the San Francisco Chronicle

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