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Harry Potter Theme Park Equus Pavilion Remains Open, And Profitable, In Spite of Silly Protests

ORLANDO (CAP) (CNN) (P.E.T.E.R.) - Hello everybody. This is Anderson Cooper reporting from Orlando FL. for Anderson Cooper 360º on CNN. I had just enough time to get away from those pesky "tar balls," which, I must admit, became a bit comfortable at the touch on my hand: soft, warm, roundish, bumpy, tender, smelly... huh... where was I...? OH! Orlando, and... Oh, yeah, Harry Potter Equus, I mean, "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter," let's go to the Islands of Adventure theme park which has only been open a short time, but protests by conservative watchdog groups have been trying to force Universal to close the park's controversial "Equus Pavilion."

Based on the 2007 revival of the Peter Shaffer play that featured Potter star Daniel Radcliffe, the Equus Pavilion allowed guests to ride animatronic blinded horses past naked Radcliffe look-alikes.

"In retrospect, the attraction may have been too avant-garde for some prunes," admitted, off the record, Bill Douglas, president of Universal Orlando.

"I had to cover my son's eyes - it was bloody manky, all those Daniel Radcliffes running around in their altogether," told me Sean Lowsley of Wolverhampton, England, "It was too life like," he added. He said he had traveled to the park with his son Millicent, 12, and waited 10 hours to get in last weekend. "Millicent kept opening my fingers to take a peek at the... ahem, horses."

"They had some cellophane or something covering their naughty bits, but they were clearly in the nuddy," claimed Mr. Lowsley. "At one point one of them tried to have relations with our bloody mechanical horse!" Lowsley went on to clarify that he meant "bloody" literally, as the horses were all bleeding from their artificial eyes.

"The naked Radcliffes are only supposed to nuzzle the horses," responded Douglas, noting that park managers had reviewed security tapes and could only identify a handful of incidences where the cast members may have gotten "a little too randy" with the robot stallions.

"They're attractive animals," Douglas admitted.


A Daniel Radcliffe look-alike (or is it?) in ALL his glory at the
Equus Pavilion, a section of the newly opened Universal's
"The Wizarding World of Harry Potter" in Orlando, FL.
The attraction drew immediate fire from conservatives, many of them already no fan of the Potter series. The watchdog group Mothers Against Everything (MAE) called Universal's decision to incorporate Shaffer's 1973 play about a young man's violent religious and sexual fascination with horses into a family theme park "a very naughty choice."

"Actually, Mr. Radcliffe's decision to appear in that play in the first place was a bad choice, what with all the other things he could have done," told me MAE spokesman Darlene Fortenski. "Why couldn't he have just made a wholesome record album, like that nice Mitchel Musso [of Disney's Hannah Montana]?"

I imagined Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus sliding up and down that darn striper's pole and giggled. Ms. Fortenski wasted her time when she gave me a luscious look.

Ms. Fortenski also noted that since the Potter books debuted in 1997, more than 200 million adolescents have converted to Satanism. "Although that's sort of just an estimate," she admitted. "And I hope it's just a fad," she added, "just like that rumor I hear about some of the guys turning gay for one to six months... Sometimes longer."

I sprayed her with my Diet Coke and almost choked on it. This time I could not restrain my giggles. And left Ms. Fortenski drenched, stunned and possibly excited.

The Equus Pavilion never closed at all, instead another controversial attraction also opened: "Professor Dumbledore's Wild Fabulous Ride," which features leather-clad attendants and music by Abba, the Village People and Gloria Gaynor. The ride is based on Potter creator J.K. Rowlings' 2007 acknowledgement that the Dumbledore character is gay.

"I'm kind of surprised they based a whole attraction around Dumbledore's sexuality -- I was so happy to hear about it though -- the hell with MEA, MAI, MAE, whatever, and god bless Ms. Fuckortenski, the advertisement the theme park's got from her complaints has been invaluable."

"But I'm earning about a million a day from that bloody park, so whatever they want to do is fine with me," Rowlings added.