Whine Flu

Adapted from CAP News. Thanks Cap News.


New Strain Of Whine Flu Deemed "Unstoppable"

ATLANTA (CAP) - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has confirmed that a new non-resistant strain of the whine flu is affecting hundreds, if not thousands of children across dozens of states. CDC officials say the numbers are likely to grow as more parents come forward to acknowledge that their households have been infected.

"What we're seeing here is a kind of super whine flu that hits earlier than previous strains had, comes on stronger, and stays longer," said CNN journalist Anderson Cooper, who is under observation by his co-work and friend Dr. Sanjay Gupta. "Whereas older versions of whine flu may have stuck around for a few years, in many cases this new strain is afflicting kids until they are well into their teens.

"The studies right now are incomplete, but it appears some of these cases of whine flu may actually manifest in an adult form as well, although in the adult cases it's named Wine Flu just to distinguish it from the children's flu." added Cooper.

Researchers say parents are key to helping keep the spread of the disease in check, noting that greater exposure in daycare settings and play groups is leading to earlier onset of whine flu - often long before parents have had the time to build up the necessary antibodies to combat the illness. And without those antibodies, parents are unable to cure the mild cases of whine flu, which just makes the illness come on even stronger and that much more resistant to any treatment methods.

In a few isolated incidents, prolonged exposure to this strain of whine flu has even led to cases of mad mom disease -- or ended in divorce.

"What's concerning about this particular strain is the ease and speed with which it hits," said Anderson Cooper channeling Dr. Sanjay Gupta. "One bad night's sleep can bring about a three-day bout with the illness, further exacerbated by not being able to stay up late to watch my show, Anderson Cooper 360º, having to take a cold bath, or even having to eat vegetables.

"We simply can't put our finger on the exact cause," Cooper added. "It's almost as if given the right circumstances, anything and everything can trigger an episode of whine flu. It's uncanny."

CDC officials have likened this whine flu epidemic to the great Cooties outbreak of 2006, during which over 100 children across eight states were infected. However, they say it is still far short of the nation's ongoing battle with the drug-resistant disease Iocusitis.

"The biggest mistake anyone can make is to think that because they don't have kids, this doesn't affect them," said Anderson Cooper. "But if you go to malls, if you eat in restaurants, if you live in a neighborhood - you are very much at risk, or so told me Gupta.

"If you think second-hand smoke is the worst thing that can affect your health, then you haven't seen the worst of the whine flu," Cooper remarked.

While there are no known preventative measures for whine flu, the CDC is working with hospitals and care clinics throughout the country to distribute ear plugs to parents in order to minimize any side effects due to accidental exposure.