Brangelina's Splitsville

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Brad, Angelina Split Up In Grocery Store

LOS ANGELES (CAP) (CNN) (P.E.T.E.R.)- This is Anderson Cooper reporting for Anderson Cooper 360 from Hollywood, California where the weather is fan-tas-tic! The story of the moment is based purely on rumors. As these rumors continue to swirl around whether Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are a happy couple or headed for the proverbial splitsville, it looks like a recent trip to the grocery store could spell doom for the celebrity duo. According to several of my sources from all over the world, the two separated once inside the grocery store and did not shop together. Bummer.

"When they got here, they each grabbed separate baskets, gave the other a kiss, and then went in opposite directions," said A&P checkout clerk Marie Simson (no relation to Homer). "She went to the fresh fruits and vegetables aisle, and he went to the salty snacks aisle."

"And everyone knows potato chips and roasted peanuts are Jennifer Aniston's favorite munchies," added Ms. Simson. "I'm just sayin'."

The grocery store split is just the latest in a series of events that lend more and more credence to the idea that things are not well in the Pitt-Jolie camp. Last week at Blockbuster, the two couldn't decide between renting Se7en or Girl Interrupted, and when Jolie insisted on Slingblade instead, Pitt stormed out of the video store with 14 kids in tow, most of which may or may not have been part of the Pitt-Jolie brood.

"Discord is the name of the game," said New York Post gossip columnist Liz Everhart. "Happy couples don't have their names plastered all over the news before the release of their new movies. Happy couples don't get to sue a tabloid for untold punitive damages so they can buy that third house in Malibu."

"Happy couples don't get to have maddening, luscious, body-quivering make-up sex," added Liz. "But if they did, hopefully they'd videotape it for all of us to watch."

Although paparazzi have managed to catch the A-list pair acting somewhat amorous at various recent events such as the Directors Guild of America Awards, the Superbowl and a stroll down the wrecked streets of Haiti, the number of situations lacking affection continues to grow, such as a recent dinner the two shared at the French restaurant La Pomme de Terre.

"Everyone knew something was wrong, because they sat on opposite sides of the table while they ate," said a source unwilling to give her name. "And they totally fed themselves and not each other. I mean, Brad didn't even try a piece of Angelina's Foie de veau meunière. How can they be so cold?" Ms. Juanita Rodriguez complained.

However, another anonymous source told me that "you could tell they wanted to spend time alone and didn't want to be bothered by anybody." When asked how he knew this, Mr. Wolf confided it was because "that's what they told me while I was taking pictures of them eating their Lobster bisque."

In the meantime, Jennifer Aniston has reportedly been texting Pitt 10-12 times per day to tell him that she won't take him back no matter how many times he does or doesn't ask, but that if they need a babysitter for their kids, she doesn't have any plans on Friday night. Or Saturday night. Or at all this month.

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