Atlanta vs. Cancún

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Five-Second Rule Extended To Eight Seconds

ATLANTA (CAP) (CNN) (P.E.T.E.R.) - Hello, this is Anderson Cooper reporting for Anderson Cooper 360º on CNN. And frankly, I have no idea what I am doing here. I can only think of Benjamin in Cancún at this very moment sipping on a Piña Colada and waiting for me -- he better be waiting for me!

I am told that bowing to pressure from advocacy groups and a lobby effort dating back three years, the Weights and Measures Division of the National Institute of Standards and Technology, which I have no idea what it is for, nor what it does, nor do I care, but it has agreed to expand the age-old Five-Second Rule to eight seconds beginning next month.

"With all the pressures we all face on a daily basis, nobody has the time they used to," said Pete Olsen of Focus On The Family, which began lobbying the NIST back in 2004. "Three seconds may not be much, but every little bit helps." I was going to ask him what the three seconds would be for, but I decided not to, might I get a long and elaborated answer. So I just giggled, nodded, and remained silent.

Focus On The Family originally sought a rule expansion to ten seconds, citing the continued increase in the number of single-parent households as the primary factor in their request. "The numbers of cookies and crackers remained the same, while the sets of eyes to respond and react dropped," said Olsen. Cookies? Crackers and dropping eyes? I scratched my head and moved on.

However, the NIST countered by offering to increase the limit one second each year for the next three years, which Focus called "a watered-down attempt to throw red tape at a systemic problem." An arbitrator was brought in last June to help both sides reach an agreement. I thought a psychologist, a psychiatrist and some anti-depressants would do more good than anything else.

After months of arbitration, both sides agreed to concessions as part of the deal to change the timeframe of the rule. Among those concessions:

- The Berber Carpet Clause was expanded to include a ban on households with cats. For households with dogs, the rule still only applies to short-hair breeds.

- Section 4.1.2b regarding gum and gummy bears was also expanded to include children's "fruit snacks." However, the two sides could not reach agreement on Starburst chews and had to reserve judgement for a future time.

- Foyers, sunrooms and entryways were added to a special section of the Approved Rooms List that accounts for appropriate weather conditions. For the drier months of July and August, the Eight-Second Rule will now apply to the floors of these rooms.

I am reading all this nonsense, I mean, information from a press release the NIST handed me, otherwise I would have had some extra ten seconds to fill up with the rants from Mr. Olsen.

The two sides also agreed to meet on a bi-yearly basis going forward to review all the stipulations of the rule to make sure it continues to meet the needs of a busy population.

I left the room quickly and quietly, might they ask me to come back to cover their next two year review.