Arch Gay

New Archbishop: "Homosexuality Not A Sin"

In a startling interview given exclusively to Anderson Cooper of CNN, newly appointed Archbishop of New York City, Vincent Nichols has openly supported homosexuality.

In his first interview with Anderson since his promotion by Pope Adolf Von Benedict XVI, the Archbishop admitted that in some cases, homosexuality could not be deemed a sin and would not be punishable by Hell, Purgatory or any other form of eternal damnation.

Nichols, 63, will be the new leader of the Holy Roman Catholic Reich in the states of New York and New Jersey, and his remarks indicate a split from traditional Catholic dogma.

His Archbishopness said, "clearly, in almost all cases contraception and homosexuality are cardinal sins - especially homosexuality. For is it not written that a man shall not lie with a man as a woman? I think it is. Somewhere, anyway. But where was I...oh, yes. BUT, it's OK if the homosexual concerned is a Catholic priest, because God knows that he'll be guilty about it all the time, so by his repentance he will be saved and all that. Unless he uses a condom. That's right out, obviously, because it's two cardinal sins in one buggery. It's bareback or burn, if you know what I mean". His Excellenceness also said that a few other people were excluded from this sinful condemnation, including some journalists and/or anchormen. At this time His Graciousness gave Anderson a suspicious look. Anderson smiled and reminded the pontiff that he was only reporting.

The Archbishop showed Anderson Cooper a list announcing new posts to be created within the Diocese of New York, including a team of specially-trained Catamites [a youth who is in a sexual relationship with a man] under his own tutelage. Richard Simmons is also joining the Archbishops' team as Choirmaster.



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