16 Hours With Anderson

Anderson Cooper thinks cell phone lady is like ‘Fifth Circle of Hell’

May 19, 2011 | Category: Television | Article by: Iain Alexander

CNN anchor Anderson Cooper dedicated much of his ‘Ridiculist’ show to the now infamous ‘cell phone lady’, who spoke non-stop for 16 hours on an Amtrak train.

The story has hit a tone in the media for being something we all share when traveling. Do you ever sit next to someone who speaks loud on their cell in a designated quiet area? I don’t know about you, but this makes me angry, and millions around the world feel this too. There is something about being forced to hear someone’s conversation to themselves (because they are talking into a cell) that feels so irritating.

HuffingtonPost reported that the majority of people reading the story were glad she was taken off the Amtrak train. The woman was charged with disorderly conduct.

Just to give you an idea of what could be achieved in 16 hours of non-stop cell phone babbling at high volume, I complied a list of fun entertaining things you can do:

What you can do in 16 hours

- Watch 10 Steven Seagal movies (if you can stand him) at full volume with one liners and explosions vibrating your home.
- Watch the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy and have a full 7 hours sleep afterwards.
- Drive from London to Berlin with stops included.
- Walk across the entire city of Paris twice and have a 3-course lunch and dinner.
- Work a full 9-5pm shift and spend a second day at DisneyLand.

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You know me, I cannot see a list without contributing my 2 cents to it. So, here are some of the things I could do with 16 straight hours:

- Tape and watch 8 segments of Anderson Cooper 360 without a minute of sleep.
- Sleep straight through while dreaming I am in the company of Anderson Cooper (details are private) without waking up a single minute.
- Read "Dispatches From The Edge" 8 times until I memorize every detail, word by word, paragraph by paragraph.
- Hang around the Time-Warner building, home of CNN, until I see Anderson come in or out and spend whatever time is left hanging from his arm -- talk about a stalker, eh?
- Writing a poem about Anderson; I am not a very good poet, so, 16 hours would be just about right to complete one single poem -- and not a very good one.
- Not, I repeat NOT on my cell phone for 16 hours talking to Anderson; but talking to Benjamin about Anderson.