Modern Day Troubadour

August 22, 2009

Anderson Cooper: Scott Kalechstein's Upcoming House Concert Potentially Off Limits!

Scott Kalechstein's Upcoming Marin House Concert Coverage Denied By National Health Insurance Companies!

Anderson Cooper
Novato, CA

Bay area residents normally free to go about their business are singing the Blues this week, as Blue Cross, Blue Shield, and certain Blue Dog Democrats have denied them the right to attend a humorous, spirit-filled evening of spontaneous musical magic and improvisational comedy with a subversive Marin County based songster and humorist, Scott Kalechstein, who makes outrageous claims that his songs and concerts are preventive medicine for potentially potent medical maladies. Insurance companies are insisting that people should not be admitted, even if they pay their own admission.

A self-prescribed 'Song Doctor of the Spirit', Scott has been on the Pharmaceutical Industry's 'No Sing' list since the AMA noted an alarming 27% average drop in both doctor and hospital visits the day after his events. The Republican Party directly called for an all-out Kalechstein boycott, earnestly requesting support from the estimated 67 Marin County Republicans who are still wanting the Health Care system to stay exactly as it is.

A spokesperson from a group calling themselves Real Americans Who Love Freedom, Hate Socialism, And Can't Figure Out Barack Obama And Want Him To Go Back To Whatever Country He Was Born In had this to say: "A house concert that is open to the public is offering anyone and everyone who is in the public a public option. This is blatant Socialisim, socialized entertainment at its worst. Furthermore, Scott has been charging the same old fee year after year, the same fee whether the person seeking admission is young or elderly, healthy, or suffering with a pre-existing condition. That is downright Un-American!"

Lobbyists are planning to send rowdy people to the concert whose job it will be to wreak havoc and sabatoge Scott by repeatedly demanding that he sing Kumbaya, as well as insisting that Scott do the moon-walk while singing something from the classic album, Thriller.

Mr. Kalechstein, who has been called a cross between Eckhart Tolle, Robin Williams, and John Denver, suggested that he plans to 'stay the course' and go on with the festivities despite insurance companies threats that they might cancel his Past Life insurance policy, and despite the fact that his caucasian ass cannot do a Michael Jackson song or dance if his life depended on it.

Scott's evenings are mostly improvised, with the audience requesting songs about spirituality, personal growth, pet peeves, etc. Nobody knows what will come out of his mouth next, including Scott. He has been suspected of intoxicating his audiences with inert joy gases. People are warned not to drive or operate heavy machinery after having been to a Kalechstein performance. And victims exposed to his music are often rendered completely unable to control their laughter or hang on to their worries.

The makers of both Prozac and Zanax are rumored to have offered Scott millions of dollars in hush funds, but he keeps on singing, and has done so now for over twenty years.

Listen for yourself at www.scottsongs.com

WARNING! The Surgeon General has determined that Scott Kalechstein's songs may be hazardous to your misery. They have been known to produce spasms of uncontrollable laughter in laboratory rats. These surges of spontaneous joy cannot be predicted or controlled. Therefore you are advised to attend this concert at your own bliss.

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The above article is real! But it was not produced by CNN nor Anderson Cooper 360. But I believe the result is informative and funny enough as if it had been edited by Anderson himself.