2nd Lie of the Day

The Secret of Why Fidel Castro at 83, Looks So Damn Young

HAVANA, Cuba - Cuban doctors who recently examined the former Cuban leader Fidel Castro, 83, are astounded as to how young Castro is looking.

Dr. Sebastiano Ranchito the Cuban surgeon general was interviewed by Anderson Cooper of CNN who asked him how el ex-presidente is doing. Dr. Ranchito said that he has never seen el ex-presidente looking so fit and trim. He said that although Castro is 83, he has the elbows of a 73-year-old, the tongue of a 63-year-old, and the nalgas (butt) of a 53-year-old.

When the ex-leader of Cuba finally agreed to be interviewed by Anderson, he asked him how he manages to stay looking so darn youthful.

Castro smiled as he lit up a Cuban cigar. He said that he has cut out all sugars, all starches, and all women over the age of 50.

Anderson was surprised and repeated the question, "No, really Senor ex-presidente, How do you manage to stay so youthful?" El ex-presidente laughed and said that the secret is actually a combination of a daily exercise regimen which consists of running 24 miles a day, doing 4,000 push-ups, and standing on his head in the dark in his underwear for three hours.

When Anderson asked where he found this exercise program Castro replied that he saw it on a recent edition of the Oprah Show.

Castro added that his uncle Chimayo Cilantro, who just turned 101 agreed to be his exercise partner. The ex-leader grins and discloses that since his uncle is 101, he only runs 20 miles, does 3,000 push-ups, and stands on his head for only 2 hours.

Fidel laughs and says that Uncle Chimayo does not wear underwear and hasn't worn any since the summer of 1955.

Anderson remembered that baseball is el ex-presidente's favorite game and asked him if he still plays baseball on Sundays, el ex-presidente grins and replies that he certainly does. He pointed out that last Sunday his team the Havana Cigarmakers defeated the Guantanamo Bambooers 9 to 1. Castro noted that he went three for four hitting two home runs and a triple. Anderson shrugged his shoulders not knowing if Castro was speaking Spanish or English, or maybe he had changed the conversation altogether, and he left the conversation at that.

In a related story. TV Guide reported that Fidel Castro had confessed to Barbara Walters that he finds OctuMom to be a very sexy-looking woman with delicious baby-bearing hips. He asked Walters if she could get him a photo of her in her ninth month of pregnancy showing her gigantic-as-Guantanamo Bay belly. Ms Walters refused the request and was banned forever from the Caribbean island.

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I would like to keep on lying and tell you that the afore story is mine and not totally fabricated by somebody else, but I am getting a little afraid of the red guy with horns, otherwise known as a lawyer, and I better tell you that this story was originally published in the web site The Spoof today by Abel Rodriguez, I changed the names and dates to protect the innocent... No, wait, that's another story; here I adapted Senior Abel's story to include Anderson as the main protagonist. Thanks Abel for the originality of the theme and the humor of the story.