USS MJ

Rev. Al Sharpton Wants A U.S. Aircraft Carrier Named After Michael Jackson

Written by Abel Rodriguez
Story written: 06 July 2009

HARLEM, New York - The Reverend Al Sharpton has stated that issuing a Michael Jackson Commemorative Postage Stamp and naming a national holiday in his honor is not enough.

The outspoken man of the cloth said that he will be meeting with Vice-President Joe Biden, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Texas Governor Rick Perry, American Idol judge Simon Cowell, and the amply-thighed Beyonce about naming the brand new, $4.5 billion state-of-the-art aircraft carrier, The USS Michael Jackson.

Sharpton told CNN's Anderson Cooper that there is a tremendous ground swell to see to it that Michael Jackson's name goes on the U.S. navy's latest naval vessel.

When Cooper told Sharpton that there are no American aircraft carriers named after a celebrity the Rev. Sharpton hit the roof.

"Mr. Cooper, sir, Jackson was not only a celebrity, he was a political icon as well. He knew alls about voter registration, ballot boxes, absentee voting, and voter fraud.

Michael knew that votes was more powerful than lyrics, and that voting was more important than Karaoking."

Cooper replied that some years back there was a movement to name a battleship after Marilyn Monroe and the measure was voted down.

And just recently there was a request to name a U.S. submarine after Elvis Presley and that idea was shot down as well.

"But Anderson, my man, let me splain somethin' to ya. Those two peoples were both white."

"And?"

"And let me finish my statement white boy. Neither Elvis nor Marilyn could dance like Michael could. Neither one had the amazing foot moves that MJ had, and neither Elvis nor Marilyn had their own amusement park complete with pettin' zoo for the little childrens."

"Reverend, with all due respect, I am afraid that I'm gonna have to say that you fella are absolutely full of sheep shit."

"Apologize Mr. Cooper. And I means apologize rights now."

"It ain't gonna happen fat boy. You must have forgotten that I am Anderson Cooper, Gloria Vanderbilt's son. And I do not apologize to anyone...not even to Wolf Blitzer."

"Well den I is through talkin' to ya. I's taking off my microphone, and I'll be biddin' ya good night."

"Adios, Rev and don't lets the door hit you on your pompous ass."

SIDENOTE: Anderson Cooper apologized to his audience for using such raw language. He added that it's just that an arrogant ass like like Reverend Al Sharpton has a way of bringing it out.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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