As you may have noticed (ahem) this blog has been off line since October 9, 2012. I am very sorry about that, and I am very sorry I didn't get to tell you why until now. It's sort of a long story that I will try to make as short as possible. If you don't care to know just skip to the last paragraph to learn when this blog will be back on line.
On October 9, early in the morning, our lights in the apartment went out! Boom! All at the sudden it was dark. Soon enough we learned that it was not only in our apartment but in the apartment above and the one above too, if fact the whole building was out of lights at about 10:30 AM. A few phone calls later, to ConEdison and to our landlord, who happens to live in Florida, and we found out that our nicely tanned landlord had not paid the electric bill for this building in more than two years -- and papa Con-E didn't like that, so he punished us by leaving us in the dark. What our landlord said was that we did not have to pay any more rent (what a joke) and that we had all the time we needed to move out of the building! He owed $18,000 to Con-E and he didn't have a penny to pay for it.
Three days later a guardian angel, nee, our neighbor, let us borrow a line of electricity from his home and we got one lamp of light in our three room apartment. We got a camp light for the bathroom and we move the lamp from the front room during the day to the back room at night, so we can read for a few minutes, or do a number of other activities, before we go to sleep.
The good news is that this disturbance opened the doors for us to make a move we have been thinking about for several years now: A move to move to San Diego, California, more precisely to an area of San Diego called Ocean Beach. So we packed all our belongings in 17 boxes, no furniture, and got our tickets on American Airlines to leave New York on November 6 right after we go to vote.
Last paragraph:
Sit tight for a few more weeks and sometime in the middle of November I will probably be posting again, from the beach, about the comings and goings of our favorite newsman, Anderson!
Thanks for your patience, your faithful posting person,
Peter
Monday, October 29, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Today On 'Anderson Live' -- Deborah Norville
Co-Host Deborah Norville / True Crime Tuesday: Daughter of Alleged 'Coffee Cup Killer' (Exclusive) / Mom and Teenage Son Charged with Secretly Plotting to Murder Husband & Father
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
I’m A Sex Addict!
Monday, Oct 8, 2012 -- 04:30 PM EDT
It’s not my fault, I’m a sex addict!
Increasingly, men and women are playing the sex addiction card when they're caught cheating. Is it a legit excuse?
By Scott Alexander Hess, The Fix
It was a short-lived but juicy item of gossip this summer. No sooner had CNN news personality Anderson Cooper publicly confirmed the open secret that he was gay than he faced a “cheating boyfriend” scandal in the tabloid press. Britain’s Daily Mail splashed photos of Cooper’s beau, the predictably tall, dark and handsome Ben Maisani, smooching an unidentified man in New York’s Central Park.
The story went viral, got replayed by our glut of celebrity press, and thereby become a “fact.” (Never mind that there was no proof that the photograph had been taken since the two men got involved. Or that their relationship may be open—and cheating allowed.) During the days that it took for the story to disappear, I couldn’t help watching Cooper’s delivery on his news show with a certain giddy fascination. (For one thing, the show is called Keeping Them Honest.)
I also couldn’t help thinking how it may have played out if Maisani had instantly admitted to being a sex addict.
Maisani could have checked into the Gentle Path program at Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services rehab—the spot where many boldface names have fled amidst infidelity dramas—and, more important, be reported to have checked in. Whether amends would be necessary is nobody’s business but Anderson and Maisani’s, who have kept their relationship as private as possible—Anderson being a journalist and all. But the treatment-for-sex-addiction would erase the appearance of a public stain, and that would be that.
That the two men refused to comment on any aspect of the story no doubt encouraged the tabloids to return their attention to Lindsay Lohan and other reliable train wrecks. But the dustup begs the question, when celebs (or anyone in a relationship, for that matter) pull the sex addict card when caught in a carnal indiscretion, can we believe it, and is it reason for forgiveness?
Disclaimer alert: This is not to discount the often-lifesaving effects of recovery, whether through 12-step programs or an alternative. It’s about exploring the exploding trend of the sex-addiction label as an excuse for what our grandparents would have simply called bad behavior and a lack of character. In addition, if the cheater is in fact a sex addict, receives treatment and pursues recovery, what are the chances that this path will lead to healthy sexuality, monogamy and his relationship’s survival?
If an alcoholic is honestly sober, that typically means that they do not touch the sauce. Ever. Period.
But sex-addiction sobriety does not necessarily mean chastity—or even not having lots of sex with lots of people (although this is a controversial matter). A key part of the sex addict’s 12-step recovery is creating a healthy “sex” plan, and one size definitely does not fit all. Healthy sex is generally viewed as intimate, “connected” sex, an experience that promiscuity does not exactly promote (unless you are polygamous, perhaps). But it is possible that for some addicts, at some points in recovery, a healthy sex plan veers from monogamy.
Sex addiction, rather than being black-and-white, is, say, 50 shades of gray. This allows cheaters plenty of wiggle room.
“Claiming to be a sex addict and hoping not to ‘get in trouble’ is a pretty lousy way to escape the consequences of a very hurtful behavior,” said Jeff Schultz, a sex addiction counselor and founder of the Sonoran Healing Center in Phoenix. “Odds are good that they’d end up in treatment anyway and could even uncover evidence of a real sex addiction.”
Whether or not the sex-addiction fallback will fly depends partly on the validity of the diagnosis itself. The American Psychiatric Association (APA) is debating whether sex addiction should be added to the DSMV-5, due out next year. The addition of what the APA is calling “hypersexual disorder” would legitimize the label as an addiction. A partner having secret hook-ups on the side could then proclaim themselves a patient rather than a cad. But would the overuse or the misuse of the label (for example, to get out of a jam) tarnish its growing validity?
Absolutely, said Cathy Meyer, a certified marriage educator who writes for The New York Times and the Huffington Post. And she blames treatment providers—and what she calls the sex-addiction industry—for the cheating’s facelift. “There is a rush to diagnose immoral sexual behavior as an addiction,” Meyer said. “The treatment of sexual addiction has become an industry in our country. To maintain growth in that industry there have to be ‘sexual addicts’ to treat.”
Some 10 years ago, there were fewer than 100 certified sex therapists in the nation; today there are over 1,500. “Has that number increased out of need? Or is the need being created due to the increase in folks who are choosing that specialty?” she asks. “I believe there are those who are sexual addicts. Some folks choose to deal with stress by engaging in unhealthy behaviors,” she said by way of answering her own question. “In my opinion most are not viewing porn or sleeping around because it relieves stress. They do so because it feels good and is fun. What better excuse when caught than ‘I’m a sex addict?’”
I was recently queried by a producer of True Entertainment’s show Unfaithful, a reality series that puts relationships rocked by cheating in the spotlight. The producer was hunting stories where couples experienced infidelity as a result of a fetish, a kink scene or a sexual addiction. The problem he faced was finding couples who would speak publicly about infidelity.
I let him know that I was having the same problem for this story. The shame associated with sexual issues may be stronger than that relating to drugs, alcohol and the other behavioral addictions that harm relationships. The men and the couples I spoke to were adamant about anonymity.
Additionally, those I spoke to were not celebrity cheaters (like Tiger Woods, Jesse James or David Duchovny)—they were not even celebrities by association (like Ben Maisani)—so did not face glaring media exposure. While most self-identified as sex addicts and so the label was not exactly an “excuse,” they did choose to keep cheating—or its lure—a secret. Their reason? Because their nonaddict partner “would not understand” what one man referred to as “the complexity of my journey.”
Several men said they were unable to create a dialogue with their partners about how this brand of addiction could make monogamy very difficult for them, so instead agreed to monogamy—and hoped for the best.
One recently married gay man from Maine who attended occasional 12-step meetings for his sex addition told me that prior to tying the knot, he had reluctantly promised his hubby-to-be that he would be monogamous (his own pre-marriage sex plan, as part of his 12-step work, allowed for casual flings as long as the sex was safe). His partner had made fidelity a deal-breaking stipulation before they walked down the aisle. He confessed to me, however, that he had great reservations about whether he could fulfill this promise over the long haul.
One tricky element for him, as a sex addict, was that he felt truly compelled to use sex to deal with pain, anxiety and feelings of emptiness. The stress leading to the wedding, for example, and facing a life of monogamy caused extreme anxiety, which spurred on a raging desire to act out sexually. Of course, the prospect of ‘fessing up to all of this while expecting his husband-to-be to still toss the bouquet only aggravated his agita.
He admitted that if he were to cheat, and get caught, he would likely fall back on his sex-addiction label—but with little expectation of success. “I don’t believe my partner would buy me saying I cheated because I’m a sex addict,” he said.
Hoping for the best is a dicey strategy, to say the least. The sheer stress of keeping their addiction a secret may be enough to trigger the brief escape of a brief encounter.
This case confirms what Women’s Health magazine uncovered during a post–Tiger Woods poll: 63% of women said they view sex addiction as “an excuse for infidelity.”
Yin Quam, a former dominatrix who is now an S/M educator and writer, asserts that using sex addiction as a rationalization for cheating indicates that while people may claim that they don’t disclose their sexual problems because “a partner may not understand,” this is not really the truth.
“I have come across a great many clients who use their desire for kinky sex as an excuse for infidelity. Many proclaim that their spouses would never understand or be judgmental,” Quam said. “However, since I’ve worked with clients through the process of coming out to their partners successfully, my belief is that many choose not to do so for their own reasons.”
I spoke to several self-proclaimed sex addicts in relationships who said that honesty is the key—and building a good relationship requires admitting their addiction to their partner and dealing with it together. These men said that to stay sexually sober, they had to learn to see sex as an emotional connection with a loving partner rather than exclusively as sexual gratification.
Of course, this happy scenario requires that the cuckolded partner’s love can survive the betrayal. It remains an open question whether or not gay men, who are typically more open about sex—and have open relationships more often—than their straight counterparts, are more flexible when it comes to cheating issues, especially in the age of gay marriage. While gay men may have a tradition of easily separating sex from sentiment (and of having more than their share of “intimacy issues”), the desire or need for monogamy may be a deeply rooted part of one’s character independent of experience. Some people cannot love with it and others cannot love without it.
“If I cheated, we’d have to talk about why it happened and what was going on with us, not just the fact that I’m a sex addict. There’s more to it than that,” one man told me.
According to Jeff Schultz, many relationships can endure—and even become stronger—after the sex-addict partner admits their infidelity.
“When the sex addict stops cheating and acts with honesty and integrity, then his actions begin to rebuild broken trust and his relationship can begin to heal,” he said. “Little deposits of trust made over time can do wonders for a relationship harmed by sex addiction. With greater trust, there is the basis for intimacy, and with growing intimacy, a healthy sexual relationship.”
Quam agreed. “I don’t believe that monogamy is the only route,” she said. “But no matter what agreement you make, honesty and compromise are the key elements.”
Bottom line, using sex addiction as a get-out-of-jail-free card—for citizens no less than celebrities—when one partner commits a sexual trespass tends to affirm monogamy as the best arrangement and betrayal as the worst offense. Faithfulness is certainly the time-honored model, but the high rates not only of divorce but of adultery (by men) suggest that it is honored almost as much in the breach as in the observance. Perhaps we invest too much in this one element in a relationship. As everyone knows, in every long-term coupling each partner disappoints the other in various ways.
Still, to expect a potential partner to jump feet first into a relationship with you if you are addicted to any substance or behavior is unrealistic and unfair. Disclosing that you have a disease is the responsible if risky act. Otherwise, you start the commitment already burdened with a secret. If your chosen one sticks around, your honesty will likely have helped tipped the scales.
As for Anderson Cooper and his beau, their silence about the entire affair, sex addiction or not, was refreshing. A few week’s after the smooch that, according to the tabloids, broke Cooper’s heart and scuttled their supposed marriage plans, the two were spotted riding bikes together, baseball caps pulled low over their foreheads, in a most smiling manner.
No one can ever truly know the real deal in the privacy of other people’s relationship, and for that we can be thankful, especially when the relationship involves two celebrities. But the apparently amicable outcome in the Cooper-Maisani business may affirm the wisdom that enduring love matches are about compromise, conflict and, when necessary, forgiveness. Just ask Bill and Hillary.
Winners To Las Vegas
LOCAL
Michigander Heads To Vegas, Thanks To Anderson Cooper ‘Anything Can Happen’ Contest
October 8, 2012 -- 4:01 PM
DETROIT (CBS 62) You never know when something new and exciting is about to happen — because “anything can happen” at any time — just ask Karen Flores of Dearborn Heights.Flores is leaving Wednesday for an all-expenses paid three-day trip to Las Vegas to see Elton John in concert, thanks to winning the Anderson Cooper “Anything Can Happen” contest. The contest gave five lucky winners the chance to see their favorite artist live – including Elton John, Shania Twain, Jerry Seinfeld, Celine Dion or Rod Stewart.
Flores entered the contest on a whim, after catching an episode of the new Anderson Cooper show, which airs locally on CBS 62.
“It’s not the first time I’ve ever entered a contest, but it’s certainly something I don’t even do once year,” Flores said. “I was up north in Oscoda, I love Anderson Cooper, I’ve always loved him, I thought he was one of the bravest people in the world. I heard about it, logged in, and there it was — It just went from there.”
She entered the day Elton John was the featured artist.
“I entered and never thought about it again,” Flores said.
Then she got the call. “My husband came up early (to Oscoda) for the long weekend, and I couldn’t think, I couldn’t speak, I was screaming — it was fabulous,” Flores said.
Elton John is one of her all-time favorite performers, but she’s never seen him live before.
“I’m so excited about the concert,” Flores said. “I’ve never seen him, he’s one of the two bands I missed out seeing in my youth. I can’t wait.”
The trip includes two, so Flores is bringing her husband Ruben — if he keeps behaving, she jokes.
What will be their favorite part of the trip?
Flores has already learned not to predict — because anything could happen.
15 With Keke Palmer
Duration: 12:01 min.
From: Anderson
Added: Oct 8, 2012
Description: Keke Palmer, one of the fastest-rising young stars of her generation ("Akeelah and the Bee"), joins Anderson as co-host! The Disney star, actress and recording artist is jumping right in and talking about the latest stories in "The First 15."
URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwoqrt0xnX4
Chris Rene Performs For 'Anderson Live'
Duration: 00:48 min.
From: Anderson
Added: Oct 8, 2012
Description: Chris Rene opened up about being sober for 70 days while he was competing on "X Factor."
URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydpTbdyZK2g
Duration: 03:50 min.
From: Anderson
Added: Oct 8, 2012
Description: Former "X Factor" contestant Chris Rene joined Anderson and co-host of the day Kellie Pickler to talk about his journey to stardom.
URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAqWxCci2Eo
Are You Angry Yet?
Duration: 01:35 min.
From: Anderson
Added: Oct 8, 2012
Description: Anderson explored what makes people angry by conducting a hidden camera experiment with restaurant customers.
URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TWqo-On22c
Kellie Pickler Today On 'Anderson Live'
Duration: 00:27 min.
From: Anderson
Added: Oct 8, 2012
Description: Country singer Kellie Pickler revealed she signed a new record deal with Black River Entertainment.
URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgErq_bSeNM
Duration: 00:45 min.
From: Anderson
Added: Oct 8, 2012
Description: Co-host Kellie Pickler reminded Anderson about the awkward moment with Teresa Giudice the last time they were on the show.
URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrQ7Ray0mog
Duration: 03:19 min.
From: Anderson
Added: Oct 8, 2012
Description: Anderson and Kellie spoke with Candace, "Anderson Live's" new correspondent from Texas.
URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtF1uxaSGuc
Andy From Bravo TV
The 2012 Presidential Debates as seen by RealityTVGIFs.
Yesterday on the show, we showed this hilariously creative animated GIF, made by T. Kyle MacMahon, which left Anderson and Andy laughing during the “First 15.”
Be sure to check out T. Kyle’s website: tkyle.com.
After Show: Anderson and Andy
A Small Piece Of The Rumble
Jason Russell Gone Crazy, But Still Handsome As Ever!
Morning Express | Added on October 8, 2012
The man behind the "Kony" movies, Jason Russell, describes his meltdown to Oprah.
The Undecided And Tremendously Handsome, Tyler York
‘What’s going on? Am I really happy?’
By Jamie Gumbrecht, CNN
Photographs by Christopher Griffith
Bedford, New Hampshire
Video: Tyler's Decision
This pause could last another few months, maybe another year. Not forever. He allows he might want the apartment and the office job someday, or even soon. He's not sure about the rest.
Sometimes, he gets in the car for long drives to nowhere in particular. Once he might have considered it a waste of time, but lately he thinks he gets a lot done when he lets his mind drift: work, his little brother's college decision, his friends' money worries, politics, the world, right and wrong, what's next.
"What's going on?" he wonders. "Am I really happy?"
In November, for the second time since he's been eligible to vote, he will walk into the booth as an Independent and cast a ballot for president. His political opinions rock and sway as he learns more; he's not enthused by Barack Obama or Mitt Romney, but he feels an obligation to make an educated choice.
Simply by growing up in New Hampshire, Tyler soaked in the politics of its swing-state status and precious early primary. It holds only four electoral votes, but campaigns know they can put competitors on defense here. Obama won New Hampshire in 2008, but Romney is a friendly face, a former governor of neighboring Massachusetts who owns a vacation home on Lake Winnipesaukee, about 60 miles from Tyler's parents' house.
This election season, like all the others, diners and churches are crammed with candidates and their surrogates. Political signs skewer every corner. Rally traffic is terrible. TV, unwatchable. Tyler's parents' land line will ring for weeks with pollsters collecting more of those famously independent New Hampshire opinions.
Candidates are fighting for voters like Tyler. He's a millennial who doesn't always know what he believes but remains confident the country can be better. In New Hampshire, people younger than 30 turn out in high numbers almost every Election Day, according to the nonpartisan Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement.
Young voters boosted Obama's win in 2008, and both campaigns are chasing them now. They're on college campuses to talk up affordable education. Romney is hoping Paul Ryan, a 42-year-old Gen-Xer, will inspire young people. Obama announced his support for same-sex marriage, a major issue for many millennials.
Back in 2008, Obama had Tyler's vote. Not anymore, or at least, not yet. Tyler was in college then, caught up in a hopeful narrative. He believed Obama was serious about cutting out the partisan wrangling that gridlocks Washington and divides the country, but he's seen no change. He's disillusioned, but distrustful of the Republican option, too. He saw one version of Romney across the state line but sees a different man on the campaign trail now. To Tyler, Romney never seemed like a guy who wanted to hear other people's perspectives. In the New Hampshire primary, which Romney decisively won, Tyler voted for Jon Huntsman.
Still unburdened by the stuff of adulthood, weighing what it means to lead a good life, this might be the first big choice Tyler makes.
He doesn't believe his indecision stems from youth, naïveté or ignorance. He thinks people favor parties, incumbents or familiar faces because they're too overwhelmed to ask important questions of the candidates -- and themselves.
"People settle for it to be easier," he says.
Tyler is deciding he doesn't want to live that way. He is coming to believe this uncertainty is how it's supposed to work, that none of those choices are meant to be easy.
Tyler has lived in his parents' cream-colored colonial most of his life. He was just a few weeks old when the York family moved to this cul-de-sac in the Manchester suburb of Bedford.
His parents, Gail and Don, had been high school sweethearts in Manchester, about an hour's drive from Boston. They saved for a house before they married, saved for babies before they were pregnant and saved for college once they were expecting.
"I feel like we were more grown up sooner, in a way," Gail York says. "We were very diligent, and kind of disciplined, kind of ready to take on responsibility."
When they were growing up, downtown Manchester was an exciting place to be. Along the river, giant red brick mills, "skyscrapers on their sides," were packed with workers making Pandora sweaters and tennis shoes.
Even as textile manufacturing disappeared and the mills emptied, the Yorks never considered moving too far. Bedford, a wealthy and growing suburb, was the perfect place to raise kids. The community was familiar and close to mountains, beaches, big cities and the little athletics store they ran together.
For more than 30 years, they've owned Indian Head Athletics and the embroidery and screenprinting business in the basement below. The store's wood-paneled walls are crammed with baseball gloves, Little League bats and sweatshirts for the Manchester West High School Blue Knights, Goffstown Grizzlies or Memorial Crusaders. Every order is handwritten by the store's employees, and each of Gail and Don's five boys worked there for a summer or two.
All the York boys were athletes, tall guys with dark hair, younger versions of their father. The rules of the field -- sportsmanship, competition, teamwork -- still course through their lives. Tyler learned early on that natural talent doesn't matter without work. Once, when he was a kid running on the football field, his mom told him he didn't look like he was putting in much effort. A petite woman with long hair, she dared him to a race in the backyard -- and won. He decided after that to at least try, always.
He played baseball, soccer, basketball and his favorite, football. He picked up lacrosse just for fun, and worked as a lifeguard at a neighboring community pool. He was captain of the football team at Manchester West, like two of his brothers before him, just like his dad was at Manchester Memorial High.
On the field, he motivated the guys and called the defensive plays. He liked setting the tone for the team, an outlook he thinks could apply to politics, business or his weekend flag football league: Talk trash, but don't dismiss your opponent.
"You still want to bury 'em, but you respect that they're giving you a challenge," Tyler says. "I'd much rather play someone who's beating me every time than someone I continually beat all the time. When you do win, it's that much more a feeling."
A major blow came his sophomore year of high school when he tore his hamstring in three places during a scrimmage. He sat out most of the season, his first on the varsity squad. To stay close to his team, he went to every practice and game and spent hours in the weight room with athletic trainers, trying to maintain strength and avoid more injuries. Under their care, he realized he might have found his next step.
As he began to think about college, he zeroed in on athletic training as a major, but there was something else to consider: His parents wouldn't allow him to go more than a few hours' drive from home. The rule was the same from the first York boy to the last. With a 17-year span between their sons, Gail and Don didn't want them to grow up strangers. They expected them to be at each other's big games and birthday parties, to return home for weekend get-togethers. If they instilled the habit of staying close while they were young, the parents thought, maybe they'd stick around when they were older, too.
Tyler decided on Plymouth State University, his dad's alma mater and home to a competitive athletic training program.
"The day he left, I'm not gonna lie, we all cried," says Dylan, the youngest York brother, who was 11 when Tyler headed to college and the last one still living at home. "It was definitely different to get used to. I was always by him. We'd literally spend all day together. We'd go play catch, go watch TV. When his friends would come over, I would try to hang out with them, and he always let me. I don't think he ever really kicked me out."
Like his parents hoped, Tyler came home often during college: Friends, a girlfriend, his grandfather's last years all drew him back to Bedford. But he had been one of a few accepted into the athletic training major, and the coursework was rigorous. He had summer jobs fitting casts for broken limbs and school-year training gigs with soccer, lacrosse and football teams. His friends and college roommate describe him as focused but friendly, a guy who could talk to anybody. "A professional wingman," one friend said.
He graduated in four years, in May 2009, just as the dust was settling from the imploded job market.
Tyler shows up a bit late to his little nieces' pirate-themed birthday party.
They've already moved on from eye patches and stick-on beards to heart-star-glitter-covered bathing suits. Still, they fall into giggly, shrieking fits when Tyler arrives with his girlfriend, Emily Getto. She's tall and slim with long, soft waves in her hair and a knack for vintage style. She works for Panera Bread in Boston -- she was on a poster promoting the store this year -- but her degree, and dreams, are in fashion design. Her voice is high and sing-songy, like a Disney princess, and she crouches to make eye contact when talking to the little girls. It's the kind of thing that makes the whole family love her.
Tyler went on long drives or stared at his bedroom ceiling: Was he too young for a second career?
When the boarding school asked him back, he thought fondly of the kids and the classes, of maybe getting to use the athletic training education his parents' planning had paid for. He was tempted by a reliable income and benefits, by getting his own place and starting a life away from home. It seemed like a job he could grow into and enjoy for a long time to come.
He turned it down.
"I don't necessarily need to have a full-time job," he says now. "It's part of that system. You work hard to get good grades, get a job. Your life is almost planned from when you're born."
Instead, he pieced together part-time work producing videos and managing interns for his brother's marketing firm; guiding the speaking and writing career of a friend, an African refugee; and managing a music- and brand-marketing site his brothers helped launch, 1 band 1 brand. He works from home, from the marketing agency office, and from a shared workspace for tech startups in Manchester.
In each role, he feels like he's learning something new, like an apprentice with flexible hours. He's meeting all kinds of new people and generating new ideas. He likes being able to grab a bagel from his parents' fridge between Skype meetings, and to talk business with his brothers over birthday cupcakes.
As the party for his nieces winds down, the little girls turn their attention to one of Uncle Tyler's presents: Silly String. His sisters-in-law hate the stuff, but he brings it to every birthday anyway. Tyler chases his nieces around the yard, lines of goo trailing behind them, wrapping their ankles and streaking their hair.
Here's a choice made: He's willing to work hard, to take risks, to learn more. But he never wants to miss a Silly String battle because he was too busy talking about a job.
One morning this summer, Tyler hangs out in his brother Kyle's office at Dyn Inc., a tech company in downtown Manchester. A whiteboard covered in notes and calculations fills most of one wall. Above the board, a sign reads "Welcome to New Hampshire -- Live free or die." Kyle is the company's chief revenue officer. He's married, and their first child, a boy, is due in a few weeks. They recently bought a home in Bedford, close to Don and Gail's.
Kyle travels a lot, spends hours on e-mail and Twitter every day, and the company is taking off. Dyn employs about 160 people and operates from a 30,000-square-foot space in one of Manchester's old mills; it's filled with desks and conference rooms -- and a rock-climbing wall, a stage where bands sometimes play, a comfortable room for breast-feeding moms, and, behind that, a hangout space with a well-stocked bar. The median age is 34.
Between Kyle's meetings, the brothers debate who would make a better president: Matt Damon or George Clooney?
It's a joke, although the brothers agree the actors seem like passionate guys who care about the world and know how to command a room.
"What is the role of the president?" asks Adam Coughlin, a childhood friend of the Yorks who works with Kyle. "The CEO of the country? The ambassador of the country?"
"First and foremost," Tyler says, "he's the leader of the country. He's in the position to lead."
"What's leadership?" Kyle asks.
"It's people flocking and encouraged around what you're doing," Tyler says. "Motivation. You inspire."
Tyler can rattle off a quick opinion on almost any issue in the news. He thinks we should rework education and job training entirely, move away from using coal for energy and give women complete, unbiased medical information if they have an unexpected pregnancy. He's fine with paying taxes but wants the money spent wisely on libraries, fire departments and schools. He does not like public money to be funneled to boondoggles, like, he thinks, Boston's Big Dig. After all that time and money, he doesn't understand why it still needs fixing, or why he sits in traffic for hours to visit his girlfriend at her apartment near Fenway Park.
None of those issues are likely to decide his vote. He would back a candidate he disagreed with if he thought the person could make people work together, he says. Tyler thinks all elected leaders -- not just the president -- should cooperate to help the country grow. He might not like some of their decisions, but he respects the process.
"Being a voter, you just want to see progress, and there really hasn't been for how many years now?" Tyler says. "If you have a strong argument supporting your opinion that's different than mine, I'm more than willing to have that conversation with you. I want to talk, I want to understand why you think that way. It could change my mind … but I won't know unless I have that conversation."
He thinks his vote will be decided by watching Romney and Obama debate. It's the ultimate test of whether they're listening to each other, he says. During primary season, Tyler was sold on Huntsman after watching him in a Lincoln-Douglas-style debate with Newt Gingrich. The former House speaker seemed like a loose cannon, he says, but Huntsman seemed like a smart guy who wanted to connect.
Tyler does not like to feel played. He does not want to be appeased. He doesn't want candidates to say what they think voters want to hear.
He doesn't want candidates to tailor their policies to him, his family, his situation, his state.
Of course he doesn't want his friends or family or anyone else to struggle or be at a disadvantage, he says, but he doesn't think that'll happen if politicians will stop being stubborn and start working together.
"It might be naïve, but it's sort of what my vision is," Tyler says.
"Typical millennial," Kyle says.
Today On 'Anderson Live' -- Kellie Pickler
Co-Host Country Star Kellie Pickler, 'X Factor' Alum Chris Rene, 'Anderson Live Anger Project'
Monday, October 08, 2012
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