Andrew?!

Watch the Touchy-Feely Promos for Anderson Cooper's New Daytime Talk Show (VIDEO)

by Seth Abramovitch 07/11/11 01:28 PM

Between hosting Anderson Cooper 360°, contributing to 60 Minutes, and occasionally playing understudy to Regis Philbin or straight-man to Kathy Griffin, Anderson Cooper is a very busy TV personality. But he wants to be busier. In fact, he’s given every indication that he wants to be the next [pause for dramatic effect] Oprah! And the first step in Phase 3 of his journey to ultimate media domination is launching his own daytime talk show. The syndicated program, called Anderson (see what he did there?), premieres September 12. And with today's release of a trio of teaser commercials, we get our first taste of what to expect.

In this one, Andrew talks about the perils of aging (he’s a whopping 44—practically dead), and how he wants to use this opportunity to enjoy life more.


I’m not really sure what hosting a talk show really has to do with “enjoying life more.” It seems like adding a huge amount of work and pressure to an already overloaded schedule would result in one enjoying life less? But if you’re a workaholic who wants to become an Oprah-level media titan before you die, then hosting a daytime talk show could be enjoyable, I suppose. Congrats, Anderson, on FINALLY enjoying life.

Next commercial!


I have to be honest, I kind of zoned out during this one. Anderson was saying something about giving voices to people who don’t have voices, I think—so I guess there will be some kind of health-science-miracle element to the show? Awesome!

What I would really like to talk about, though, is the show's set. Check it out:


It’s very airy and industrial. Lofty, even. It’s has none of the plush, soft-focus luxury of Oprah's set. No woman’s touch here, no sir. Anderson is a dude, and as such, he demands that his talk show environs give off a manly air. The audience members, which appear to skew 99 percent female, look like they’ve wandered into a former lumber yard that’s been transformed into an upscale micro-brewery-cum-brick-oven-pizza-emporium. Needs a splash of color, IMHO.

Final commercial!


In this last clip, Anderson lists his talk show influences—why, hello there, Phil Donahue!—but makes it clear that his show will be totally unique. That means there are no "Anderson’s Favorite Things" episodes on the horizon. But I beg him to reconsider! I never cared much when Oprah rhapsodized about pantyhose and Uggs, but seeing as I am in Cooper’s exact demographic (if you catch my drift, which I think that you do, and we’ll just leave it at that), an AFT episode would be right up my alley. Inquiring minds want to know what Tom Ford fragrance collection ointments he rubs into his worry crevices every night!

Well, that’s it! Your first glimpse at Anderson—the show that will make Anderson Cooper the most powerful man in the universe. What do you think? Will you be tuning in?

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All I can say to Mr. Abramovitch is that Anderson's name is spelled A-N-D-E-R-S-O-N and not A-N-D-R-E-W. That I WILL be tuning in, and that Anderson is already "the most powerful man in the universe." Oh, and I catch your drift, Mr. Abramovitch, I am also from the same demographic as you.